Chapter 2, Page 1

(Partial excerpt)

relationship book

"You may have hope, but not trust. It takes trust to fall in love."...Bart A. Baggett


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Chapter 2.

Do You Really Want To Be In Love?
Before you decide you want to find your perfect lover, ask yourself what love is. There are probably a thousand different definitions for the concept of love. It is important to know what you are looking for so you will know when you've found it. Webster defines love as a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons. I define love in a slightly different way:


Love is an electromagnetic bio-chemical bond.

As you can see from my definition, love is more than just a mental bond between two individuals. Love is physical. Anyone who has ever had a loved one leave or break up knows what I mean. Have you ever had a wrenching pain in your gut caused from the emotional pain of loss? That is the result of a very real chemical reaction called emotion. It is the development of these strong emotions that connect two people in the state of euphoria called love.

We know that a connection exists between people on a much more physical level than just thought. The human body is much more than flesh and bone. We are completely electrical in nature. I once saw my doctor make a tiny light bulb work with just the electricity from his fingers. If you aren't familiar with amazing electrical aspects of our body, check out the Chinese art of Chi. It is the foundation of acupuncture. Not only is the body electrical, it is chemical. It contains thousands of different chemicals that, among other things, create thoughts and emotions.

An experiment done on rabbits illustrates the powerful electrochemical bond two animals have with each other. A mother rabbit and two of her baby rabbits were used in the experiment to discover what kind of bond existed between the family members. The three animals were separated for about a week. The mother rabbit was connected to heart monitors and blood pressure gauges. Then, in front of the mother, one baby was killed. In obvious distress the mother's body reacted with increased heart rates and blood pressure. You can imagine how any animal, including humans, would react to their baby being killed in their presence. About a week later, the other baby was taken about a mile offshore in a ship. The mother was again connected to the monitors. At a specified time, the second baby rabbit was killed by the researchers. At the same time, the mother rabbit's heart and blood pressure went crazy. She had the same reaction as she did the week before. Her body, emotions, and electric systems reacted as if she knew her baby was in trouble. Obviously, she did.

Have you ever had similar blood pressure and heart increases when you were either falling in love or losing a love? Falling in love is a state we all yearn for while losing love is a state we dread. Yes, there are risks involved in being in love. If love is some kind of physical bond, it might be painful if the bond is broken. I have had a few heartbreaks in my time. But now, as I look back, I usually got over the pain in a short time. I remember a particularly painful breakup after a nine month romance. I spent about a month in the dumps. However, I realize now I had nine months of pleasure that definitely outweighed the one month of pain. Some of you have had a nine year, nine month, or nine minute romance that you still haven't gotten over. It is time to let it go. My friend Blanco Navarro once told me "I'd rather have my heart broken than to never have known true love at all." Below is my visual illustration of the risk and rewards of love.

Pendulum of Love Chart

Before you read this book any further you have to ask yourself the following question. Is the pleasure of being in love worth the possible pain of losing that love? If you say yes, congratulations. You are in for a wonderfully fulfilling life. Read on.

If you say no, you need to evaluate how much pain not having love brings you. If you are content being alone now, what about the future? How much pain will being alone bring you in the next year, five years, ten years? Visualize yourself on your death bed alone. Realize how much pleasure you have missed because you weren't willing to take the risk of being in love.

As you see that image, realize it is only one possible timeline of your life. You can choose now to open up your heart and be willing to love. When you choose love, the future becomes much different. After making the decision, you see yourself one year, five years, ten years down the road, in your happy home surrounded by the person or people who love you. What color is this scene? That is your color of love. Loving and being loved will make you happy the rest of your life. As you now look back on your life, you realize the decision to accept the risk of being in love brought you so much more pleasure than it did pain, you would make the same choice again. As you can see clearly from looking through the eyes of your future self, deciding now to open your heart is the decision which will bring you love and happiness the rest of your life.

Finding Your Next Love

One of the most common complaints I hear is, "I can't find anyone I like." Have your ever said that? Out of 4 billion people on this planet, can you honestly say there isn't anyone you like? If you say yes, you have one of two problems: 1) You have your eyes closed. In other words, you aren't noticing the prospects you meet on a daily basis. 2) You are not letting the other 5.99999999 billion people know you are available. In other words, you need to market yourself better.


  • "Preparing Yourself For a New Romance"

    How to Open Your Eyes

    Somewhere in your subconscious mind, you have decided not to give anyone else a chance. You may have hope, but not trust. I say trust because it takes trust to open up enough even to begin a relationship. In handwriting analysis, trust and relationships are revealed in the letter's lower zone loops. The smaller the loop, the less the person trusts other people. If you are one that has trouble attracting new people into your intimate life, you may have the anti-social loop. That is, the lower case loop that is very small and practically retraced. Since there is no loop, it signifies very little trust. Therefore, you are closed off to new relationships. Usually, I will find a small loop on some letters and completely retraced on others. This variation tells me there is hope. The writer probably trusts one or two people, but intimacy is still an issue. This person probably has been emotionally burned and is reluctant to open up again.


  • Lack of 
  Trust Sample

    If you have this trait, pay special attention to this section. You cannot get involved in a new healthy relationship until you begin to trust and have the courage to take the intimacy risk. If you are saying to yourself, "I'll trust again when someone proves to me they are worthy of my trust," then you will keep talking to yourself, because you may never have a companion. The mere fact that you don't trust people (have retraced lower loops) sends out a non-verbal signal to all those around you that you are not approachable. Believe me, those who might be interested will detect this signal and avoid a relationship with you. Or haven't you noticed? What you must do is change your way of thinking so you begin to send out signals that you are approachable. It is even possible your next relationship will be with someone you already know, but you never before noticed the possibility of a romance. Check to see if your "y's" are closed. You don't want to overlook the obvious.

    "Trust, but verify"...Ronald Reagan

    Sometimes I refer to a stroke in handwriting as being synonymous with a personality trait or behavior. The handwriting is not the cause of the personality trait. Rather, the handwriting is merely a symbol directed by your specific brain waves which is translated into more specific neuro-muscular patterns revealing themselves in handwriting. One way to consciously interrupt this communication pattern is to change your handwriting. By changing the form of your lower case y's and g's, you are interrupting that old pattern of not trusting on a neurological level. Then, each time you notice yourself writing a lower case y or g loop, you can change the way you and your body react to the issue of trust. By removing that symbol of not trusting (retraced lower loops) you reinforce all of your conscious efforts to open up your subconscious mind to be prepared for a relationship. This is actually a very effective behavioral modification technique - changing specific handwriting strokes to reinforce personality changes.

  Physical Drives Sample

    In this case, the way you write your lower zone letters helps to symbolize your new personality which is becoming more open to a new relationship. The size of the lower zone loops have a direct correlation with intimacy and sex. The smaller the loop, the less intimacy is being experienced. The longer the loop, the stronger the sex drive or libido. Therefore, it is conceivable to have an antisocial, aggressive, or loner-type person engage in sex, but never allow intimacy to happen (a very long y without a normal loop.) This is very sad because a healthy sex life includes a deep level of intimacy with one's partner. Many men and women turn off their emotions in the bedroom to avoid emotional pain. However, this reduces the physical pleasure as well. Look for a healthy lower loop for a healthy sex and intimate life.

    "I would rather have my heart broken than to never have known true love at all."


  • |

    Marketing Yourself
    The previous section about lack of trust might not have applied to you at all, yet you are still alone. Why? You may fall into the second category of unsatisfied people. You are simply not marketing yourself. You may be the type of person that isn't choosing the wrong mates, but you are not doing any choosing at all. It may seem that if you go out with anyone, it is because they chose you. This limits your choices considerably. The quality of your love life is at the mercy of whomever asks you out.

    What if you shopped for food only by waiting for the delivery boy to come by your house once a week? You asked what he had in his bag this week. He tells you he has some prunes, lemons, garlic, canned spinach, bacon, and a can of beans that Mrs. Smith upstairs didn't want. What about the apples, the sliced turkey, the custard pie you ordered? He says, "Sorry, it was bought by someone else before I got to your door. If you want the pick of the market, get up early and go down yourself. First come, first served." You decline and decide to wait until he comes by next week in hopes he will bring something you like. After all, you couldn't actually get out of the house and go after what you want! Or could you?

    This is essentially the way many people approach new relationships. They simply hope the perfect one will fall into their lap. Ha! I have news for you. Even when you do get up early and go to the market, you must squeeze four or five tomatoes before you find the ripe one!

    If you are suffering from a lack of people to choose from in your life then you probably have one of the following three personality traits. By recognizing these in yourself, you can take steps toward overcoming your self-imposed limitations.


    1. Self-Consciousness
      This is a fear of disapproval from strangers / acquaintances. It is a fear of being ridiculed or looking bad. This fear causes the person to compare herself and fears not being good enough. She always feels people are looking at her. Self-consciousness stops the initiative to approach unknown people, leaving you lonely in the corner wishing you had approached someone new. This is the fear which motivates some people to say "I can only have fun when I am drunk." (See Trait Dictionary in Appendix A.)

    2. Low Self-Esteem
      Someone with a low self-image will have a fear of change. You may not be happy where you are, or about who you are with, but you don't want to change it and risk the possibility of making it worse. Also, deep down inside you don't believe anyone would really be attracted to you if they get to know the real you. Some people with a low self-esteem do not believe they deserve to be happy. (See Trait Dictionary in Appendix A.)


    3. Emotionally Withdrawn
      Emotionally withdrawn people have a natural tendency not to trust people or be expressive. Because emotional expression is difficult, letting people get to know them is challenging. Since this person is content to keep his thoughts inside, he lacks the outgoing "market yourself" personality which would make people notice him.

    If you have one of the three personality traits described above, recognize it and take steps to overcome the limitations they bring. Notice I didn't include "shy" on the list. Shyness is a result of unnecessary fears which probably include one or more of the three traits listed above. Being shy is no excuse. Look at yourself using trait names to put the shyness into perspective: you're scared!

    The first step is to find someone without these traits to take you out and force you to meet new people. The second step is watch for it in your handwriting and change it. Each time you change the way you write, it becomes a reinforcement that you are changing that particular element of your personality!

    You must get out and let people know you are there. Businesses must advertise, why don't you? You must market yourself. Remember the saying,"If you build a better mousetrap, the world will beat a path to your door?" It is a lie! You must market that mousetrap. People cannot choose you if they do not know you exist.

    One More Way to Market Yourself
    Since marketing yourself is one of the biggest obstacles to finding new relationships, I designed a new way to utilize handwriting analysis to help you meet new people. It was the invention of the Grapho-Deck®. It is a deck of cards with different personality traits on each card. It is like a deck of flash cards for personality. Anyone can use it to analyze handwriting, anywhere. This is the perfect way to break the ice with strangers. It is fun, simple, and accurate. All you have to do is ask someone for his handwriting. The cards do all the work. I have met hundreds of people this way, and started dozens of relationships! It has been called the ultimate icebreaker. See the appendix for information about how you can order a Grapho-Deck and appear like an expert today.

    Ask And You Shall Receive
    The world has a way of giving you exactly what you ask for. Your subconscious mind is like a computer. When you input a program, it will perform that program exactly. The key is to be aware that you are always programming your internal computer. Every doubt and fear has just as much an influence on your future as your prayers. Your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between the two. If you send it a clear picture of something your mind envisions, it makes it a reality, even if you are seeing clearly what you don't want to happen. This has been statistically proven in real life cases involving victims of rape . A leading New York university research team recently revealed, on average, once a woman had been raped, she was three times as likely to be raped again. Why? Partly because her mind replayed the event repeatedly making the rape such a part of her reality that would happen again. In addition, once her confidence is broken, a rapist can spot her as an easier victim. Her entire physiology reacts to the pictures she plays in her mind. She walks, stands, and speaks with fear. This relates to you in many ways. If you want to have a relationship but you consistently see yourself alone or in a bad relationship, your mind will create that reality. You must visualize what you want, not what you don't want.

    I've seen this happen many times in my life. I simply and clearly instruct my subconscious mind as to what I want, what to expect, and when it is going to happen. And as if by magic, it happens. I've used this technique successfully with cars, friends, money, etc. It usually comes from unexpected sources, chance encounters, or luck. In other words, I didn't necessarily work really hard and pay cash for it. Is it luck or chance? I don't think so. My definition of luck is: preparation meeting opportunity. So, make clear pictures in your mind of your future lifestyle with a successful relationship.

    Are you ready?
    Now that you know how to overcome those fears of trust and any reluctance to love, it is time to learn about your emotions in more detail. There is someone out there, right now, waiting to create a deep bio-electrochemical bond with you. Are you paying attention? The next chapter will help you know when you have found a lover who has the same electrical emotional outlay as yourself. You don't want to fall in love with a 110 amp person if your circuits are wired on 220.

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  • The Grapho-Deck -- The Flash Cards of Handwriting Analysis. Use them to instantly analyze handwriting wherever you go. Easy to understand trait definitions make them a great learning tool.


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